Discussion forum for Jason Heyward's anti-fans
Does he suck?
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Heyward and David Ross were two of the worst and least valuable players on the Cubs last season, yet they seem to receive quite a bit of love for some reason. Were Heyward and Ross gay lovers last season?
Exactly, I saw one game where BJ Upton put two fingers over his bell end so two stream of piss came out of his japs eye, allowing him to work within a 'concentration zone' between the two spurts. It goes without saying that it was also highly erotic and got the grown on the top tier of the stadium going wild in a men on men frenzy
Not a surprise as he spent the off season earning money belching and farting his way through a motivational tour as well as creating a grape soda. He did nothing to improve his baseball game. I'm guessing by mid season he will no longer play in the field at all and will be relegated to belching and farting in the dugout.
Heyward is hitting a pathetic .143 so far during the 2017 spring training! He's really lost it - he never deserved that absurd $184 million contract, but his level of play since signing is historically awful. He had better produce some potent motivational farts and belches this season since he produces nothing of value at the plate!
To the poster below, I never knew that, but surely it could be a devastating weapon if utilized correctly? I also heard that someone saw Brett Anderson perform a new pitch technique behind closed doors. He rammed a few balls up his ass then farted them out with such force that he was getting strike after strike!
Today Jason took an at bat with an experimental swing. He stuck the bat up his ass and then wiggled his but in an attempt to hit the ball with it. Unfortunately his loose asshole couldn't grip the bat properly and it kept falling out of his ass covered in a mucus like shit. The Cubs players cheered and jerked off during this spectacle.
I went to the Popeye's at the intersection of Irving Park and Ashland on a Wednesday night in February. It is just north of Wrigleyville. I walked in as was initially surprised to see that Jason's grape soda was in the soda machine, but I was absolutely astonished when I saw Jason standing behind the cash register taking orders! Apparently he owns the Popeye's and sometimes works the register because he loves being a businessman and he must be doing well as that location is always busy. Jason was very kind and even gave me a free biscuit! When he rang up my order, it came out to $7.68. I gave him a $10 and assumed that he was going to give me change from the cash drawer. However, I was quite shcoked when he grabbed my $10 when then reached into his underwear and pulled my change out of his asscrack! He acutally pulled out two $1 bills and then three fimes and two pennies - one of the pennies was an old "wheatie" penny from 1957! Although I enjoyed getting a wheatie penny, it was really quite nasty to give change in this way as the dollar bills had doo-doo stains and the coins were warm and moist. Jason's a great guy, but I wish he would dispense chance from the cash register instead of from his ass!
Well, i took my date there, and I can confirm that the malt liquor is in the works! However, i got so aroused at my new man date that he bent me over the table d'hote's desks at the entrance and rammed me up the a$$ so hard that we didnt have time to eat! there were many many men cheering as this went on!
I heard his 2014 Chateau D'Ass is of a particularly fine vintage. I overheard a conversation between a guy called Steve, and a guy called John at a wine tasting event who said it has 'oaky notes, rounded off with a beautiful earthy patina. Naturally infused with lavender, vanilla and popeyes chicken wing scents. Has anyone else tried? I am dating a man from Botswana and plan to take him there tomorrow night!
That is hot, but not entirely unexpected news that he has branched out into fine restaurants. I was out in Cali a few months ago, and heard that Heyward brought up a few choice vine fields and has been propping up their growth with his fecal matter and ass blasts This is highly secret fertiliser (despite the rumours that the vineyards double into all night parties full of hobos after 9pm!)
Can anyone confirm that the Cubs are saving money by letting Jason practice being a janitor by scrubbing down the locker and showers each day? Is it true they aren't paying him which is fine with him as he sees the custodial arts as he future calling?
Jason's soda was not on the wine list. But those in the know amoung the 1% have become fanatical about his soda. It is very difficult to find but the top restaurants in almost every major city have a small supply of it.
Wow, I didn't realize that Jason Heyward's grape soda was so popular among the upper crust of society! He must be making a fortune and he deserves it. Jason only started offering his new super carbonated grape soda to guests at the motivational seminars he started holding after the 2016 World Series and the word-of-mouth was so strong that Dr. Peppet stepped in and offered to help produce and distribute the grape soda nationwide!
I was at a fancy restaurant tonight. When I was shown the 60 page wine list by the sommelier I told him I didn't need it, but required he get me a two liter bottle of Jason Heyward's grape soda. He gave me a sly look, then side "fine choice sir". Moments later the plastic two liter was brought out iced up in a champaign stand. After pouring me a small amount I chugged it then let out a massive belch in approval. He then filed the glasses of the remainder of my party. The massive belches from my table filled the entire restaurant making everyone else quite jealous. Unfortunately the Super carbonation was a bit to much for my mother in law and she vomited all over her Waldorf salad. She looked distraught so I stood up and ripped a massive fart in her face which caused everyone to cheer and my mother in law to smile then laugh. Jason's fine soda brought us all such happiness. It was well worth the $2k we were charged. Next time I plan on trying a bottle of "Steve Anus Juice" which I saw in the wine list!
I've been seriously thinking about Jason belching unit my asshole while jerking me off. I must make this happen!! This is now my only goal in life. I need to feel his grape soda fueled belch blast itself into my anus while my cock shoots jizz all over the room!