Jason Heyward Sucks Forum

Discussion forum for Jason Heyward's anti-fans (Atlanta, MLB). Does he suck? Please do not post inappropriate comments, this is a friendly forum for fans. If you see inappropriate comments, then please report them by clicking the report abuse link aside the comment. Comments you post may require a paid membership to delete.

Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 19 Jan 2017 11:16:12 GMT reply
Does Jason offer any consulting services? I would like to hire him to analyze my farts to see whether they contain any motivational properties. I envision ripping ass right in his face and then receiving my fart analysis minutes later! I would gladly pay $20 for this service
Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Mon, 16 Jan 2017 20:21:19 GMT reply
Jason is celebrating Martin Luther King Jr Day by offering free motivational farts at the Lakeview KFC tonight between 5-6pm !!!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 16 Jan 2017 09:04:38 GMT reply
That commercial is a sure fire hit! I'm sure once black America is introduced to Jason's fine grape soda they will purchase it in bulk so they to can try to belch like Jason. I wonder if Jason will discuss this amazing business with President Obama tomorrow while the Cubs are at the White House? I also wonder if Kris Bryant will sniff Obama's Anus. I bet it's filthy!
Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Fri, 13 Jan 2017 07:48:39 GMT reply
I heard that Jason has purchased advertising time during the Super Bowl to air an ad for his new grape soda brand. Apparently he holds up a can of the grape soda while belching for 30 seconds. Kris Bryant apparently makes a cameo appearance sniffing Heyward 's ass for some reason! I'm sure it will be a success, although I question how Kris Bryant sniffing Heyward's ass will help sales...
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 10 Jan 2017 07:33:20 GMT reply
I heard that Jason was furious to find out the wedding was recorded and is demanding his motivational fart be cut out of each video or all videos be destroyed! He is ready to sue everyone if his motivational secrets are released. In other news I heard that Jason was in the line at a Popeyes Fried Chicken last week and left a loud fart. He began demanding the people behind him pay him for the "motivational speech". When they refused to cough up he threw a fit!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 09 Jan 2017 07:30:07 GMT reply
Anthony Rizzo and Jason Heyward were at Kris Bryant's wedding over the weekend!!! I heard Jason Heyward stood up to give a toast to the new bride and groom and then held the microphone up to has ass and ripped a loud fart to inspire them to have a great marriage! Anthony Rizzo ate 5 meat lover's deep dish pizzas for lunch before the ceremony and then got really drunk during the reception and cleared the dance floor several times by ripping rank pepperoni farts!!!
See - http://ftw.usatoday.com/2017/01/kris-bryant-married-wedding-jessica-delp-chicago-cubs-anthony-rizzo-las-vegas
Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sat, 07 Jan 2017 07:13:49 GMT reply
I ran into Jason Heyward in a KFC men's room last year. I was pissing at a urinal when I accidentally let out a loud fart. I heard some clapping and looked over and saw Jason Heyward smiling whiling wearing his Cubs uniform. He said, "well played, young man! Dear God was that well played!" I was a little weirded out and said "thanks" as I scurried over to the sink to wash my hands. The next thing I knew Jason Heyward was tugging down my jeans and underwear and then he knelt down and started licking my butt hole! He said, "Nice and smelly, just the way I like it. Thanks, dude!" I'm not gay at all, although I have to say he's an expert rimmer! I came within a few minutes until climaxing onto the filthy floor, which Jason when licked up like the greedy cum guzzler he is! He then rinsed his mouth out with some grape soda, gave me an autographed Topps baseball card, and then I quickly left! I hope to run into him the next time I stop at a KFC...
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 06 Jan 2017 08:11:55 GMT reply
I've heard Jerry Jones has been in contact with Jason. He is thinking of adding him to the roster so Jason can help the Cowboys! Jason could burp and fart motivate the Cowboys all the way to the Super Bowl!
Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Mon, 02 Jan 2017 09:19:27 GMT reply
Jason is giving a guest lecture to a marketing class at the Kellogg School of Management in February on branding. I heard he's going to eat lunch at Taco Bell beforehand and will then belch and rip wet farts in the faces of the student body to motivate them to be strong leaders!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 01 Jan 2017 23:38:25 GMT reply
That's an amazing report Rookie. For the minuscule amount he's paid by the Cubs the gun is still going all out. He may not be good enough to play in the game itself, but he will still motivate those who actually do play through his burps and farts. Him developing that new soda shows he is truly dedicated to riding he bench and being a full time motivator!
Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sun, 01 Jan 2017 19:22:44 GMT reply
I heard that Jason is developing his own brand of grape soda which has twice the carbonation as a regular soda. He says it will allow him to geberate belches will motivational properties enhanced by 300%!!!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 01 Jan 2017 12:01:12 GMT reply
Jason spent New Years drinking dozens of two liters of grape soda and calling his teammates to belch loudly into the phone. ESPN reported he was doing this to set the tone for 2017. His motivational farts and burps will continue on. What a hero.
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 27 Dec 2016 20:36:14 GMT reply
Jason spent Christmas with his family. There was a ruckus and the cops had to be called when Jason only brought one bucket of KFC and a single two liter of grape soda. With all his baseball and motivation speaking money his family expected him to bring the entire Christmas KFC feast. When he only brought enough for himself a fight broke out and the Cops came. Jason motivated them to beat and taze his out of control family members by releasing many KFC ruled motivational farts!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 26 Dec 2016 06:02:52 GMT reply
How dare Jason drink all the grape soda and cause that riot! He should have known black people care more about grape soda then any motivational nonsense Jason thinks his belches communicate.
Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sat, 24 Dec 2016 10:09:14 GMT reply
Jason caused a scene last weekend at a Popeye's chicken place when he stayed for hours and got about 15 refills of grape Crush at the soda machine and kept benching in the faces of restaurant patrons in order to inspire them. The patrons, however, didn't think the belches were inspirational and were upset. When the many black patrons realized Jason had drunk all of the grape soda, all hell broke loose and a riot occurred! Jason's belches may be losing their motivational powers! He'd better hope his farts are more inspirational than his belches if he still wants to be a motivational speaker!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 18 Dec 2016 03:56:25 GMT reply
I've heard that Jason's farts are being analyzed by many agencies. The Military wants to duplicate it to motivate troops, NASA wants it to spray on Astronauts in case of trouble, and so on. Hopefully our countries enemies don't get a hold of Jason's amazing fart juice!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 17 Dec 2016 07:31:49 GMT reply
Jason is so lucky that the Cub's manager, Joe Maddon, overused Aroldis Chapman during the last few games of the World Series, paving the way for Heyward to sweep in and motivate the Cubs with his "fat heard 'round the world."
I saw this article in ESPN where Chapman criticized Maddon's use of him during the World Series - http://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/18292641/new-york-yankees-closer-aroldis-chapman-says-chicago-cubs-manager-joe-maddon-misused-playoffs
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 16 Dec 2016 06:14:14 GMT reply
Unfortunately he really blew out his asshole with a massive fart while motivating some Goldman Sachs bankers. Today he did do a quick Skype call with some managers of various Meinkie Muffler stores. Certainly not as lucrative as all he could do was belch a few times.
Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 15 Dec 2016 20:31:35 GMT reply
...can't he still do it with a ripped ass? That would be worth prime time seats with many mouths expectantly open!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 15 Dec 2016 07:38:47 GMT reply
Jason has ripped so many motivational farts he tore his anus. He is distraught and may miss much of next season. He will however continue to motivate people over Skype with his motivational burps.
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 14 Dec 2016 11:48:27 GMT reply
Rookie, that is very insensitive and judgmental of you to label the people who post here as "pervs." Yes, there are numerous posts here about Jason Heyward and his farts, anus, and gay lovers. However, don't forget that Jason did motivate the Cubs to the 2016 World Series victory by farting in the faces of the other players.
I am sure that some of the posts here are simply queer fantasies about Jason Heyward. And yes, there probably are a number of gay fans to visit this forum just to read the queer fantasies with their pants are down around their ankles while masturbating vigorously.
But calling those people "pervs" is just wrong!
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 14 Dec 2016 00:26:44 GMT reply
How dare you accuse these wonderful people of being "pervs"! Instead of the normal hate filled board this has become a loving board filled with uber hot tales of Jason'a motivational speeches and sexual encounters. I for one love this fine board.
Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Tue, 13 Dec 2016 21:02:52 GMT reply
this site is f**kin dumb and full of perves
Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Tue, 13 Dec 2016 17:52:50 GMT reply
Hai, I am a Ethiopian smallholding farmer. At our local church a man called 'Mr. Heyward' was in town offering business solutions to SME business specializing in upscaling sustainable businesses.
Me agree in no time!
In 10 minutes massa Heyward came to man's house and spead his bum cheek wide and let loose many bum grape.
Me now have 6 farms, 2 chickens and 3 goat with 15 kids that look exactly like Mr Heyward.
Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:18:21 GMT reply
I bet that woman stank like ass. Did she leave any monster burps? I hope Jason releases his soda only in a 4 liter container. Then that lady would have had to lug the 4 liter on the plane and would have chugged it down in 15 minutes or so. She may have then belched so powerfully a hole would have been ripped in the plane!
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